


The Vine-Off, Part Two

by MysteryElle



Series: Shuri and Peter Quoting Vines [2]
Category: Black Panther (2018), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: ATLA References, Extablished friendship, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Great friend group, I think I accidentally made a story line and I am sorry, MJ is devious, Minor Nakia (Black Panther)/T'Challa, Nakia is like a sister to Shuri, Ned is smart, Okoye is tired, Peter and his friends go on a field trip, Shuri and MJ cannot be allowed to team up, Shuri and Peter Quote Vines, Shuri is her own superhero, Strong Shuri, The Queen Mother is sick of Shuri's shit, Tony Stark is a parental figure, vine references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 09:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17242103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteryElle/pseuds/MysteryElle
Summary: Peter and Shuri Quoting Vines (Part 2)





	The Vine-Off, Part Two

It was easy for Peter to form connections with people. He had done it with Ned when he was in middle school. He’d connected with MJ, the first day of high school. And finally, with Mr. Stark, that fateful day he’d shown up in his Aunt’s apartment. He’d unknowingly connected on a more intellectual level with Princess Shuri when they’d first met. Within a few hours of knowing each other they had formed a bond based more on commonality and friendship, and they had only grown stronger since the last time they’d seen each other. 

 

And now, thanks to her invitation including Peter, MJ, and Ned, the three were being chauffeured from the Wakandan airport to the palace. MJ had managed to debate the driver into stopping at a restaurant and getting them some kind of fancier version of chicken strips. Wakanda had real food, she claimed, so they wouldn’t be eating any pink goop, whatever that meant. 

 

Of course, with the invitation came an explanation regarding how Peter even knew a princess at all. And he couldn’t lie to MJ; it just wasn’t possible. So he’d spilled, about everything. He babbled for twelve minutes straight until she’d held up a hand and reminded him to breathe. Surprisingly enough, she’d known since their Washington field trip. 

 

“I’m so psyched!” Ned had been fangirling with his face pressed against the window for the past ten minutes. “I mean, just look at this place! It looks like something out of Star Wars or Avatar.”

 

“The Last Airbender is the only Avatar worth watching,” MJ stated boldly. “Peter, how’re your chicken strips?”

 

Peter picked up on the queue and ignored the driver’s protests denying the food’s likeness to chicken strips in any way. “ _ Fuck _ ya chicken strips!” He pointed to MJ, imitating the vine.

 

His outburst tore Ned away from the window, and his friend flopped back next to him laughing. “I still can’t believe you beat the Princess of Wakanda in a vine-off.” He mused, “Shuri keeps saying you cheated.”

 

Peter gave a mock gasp, hand pressed to his chest in a dramatic gesture. “I did not! She’s just a sore loser.”

 

“Bold of you,” MJ commented without a hint of interest. “Hey look, a robbery.”

 

“What?” Peter and Ned were immediately crowding her against her passenger window to see. Sure enough, a few men were clearly robbing an ATM inside a what looked like a bank, but everything here was too advanced to be sure. 

 

“Hey, Peter, you wanna…” Ned gestured vaguely to his clothes.

 

“Yeah, I am, hold on,” He yanked his shirt over his head to reveal his familiar blue and red suit. 

 

He ignored MJ’s imitation of strip club music while he shed his shoes and pants and chucked a sneaker at her head. Before she could formulate a retort, he was sliding out the car door. The driver yelled after him, but Peter was already rushing towards the building. 

 

“Hey!” The men looked up and yelled something that sounded threatening, but Peter didn’t speak Wakandan so he couldn’t be sure. “Put down your weapons so I don’t have to do any work!” He had to dodge the weapon fire that shattered the window in front of him and appeared to be some kind of coordinated energy pulse. 

 

He swung through the window and kicked the man holding a few workers hostage. Next came covering their escape by keeping the other three busy. “Y’know, you’d think that in this high-society city,” He launched off of the ceiling and tackled the man with the weapon to the ground, “there would be less crime.” He managed to flip and kick the other back with both feet, then reflexively swung his elbow back across the last one’s chin. “But I guess the world is similar in a lot of ways.” 

 

He heard the sound of gunmetal scraping against the floor just before the hairs on the back of his neck went stiff. He spun to face the first attacker he had defeated and barely caught a glimpse of him raising his weapon to fire on Peter before his vision was blocked by an image of a red spider. A shield that appeared to be made of light materialized in front of his new support and absorbed the pellets of energy the weapon fired. 

 

“Hey, Spiderman!” A familiar voice chimed from his ally. “You’re late flying in, was there traffic?” 

 

Peter blinked as he recognized the familiar black and white pattern of Shuri’s spider-suit, and an unseen smile stretched over his face. “Shuri!” 

 

Immediately after pushing the absorbed energy back at her assailant, sending him back into the opposing wall, Shuri spun to face him with her hands on her hips. “Don’t use my real name, you silly white boy! My mom can’t know that I’m still doing this!”

 

Peter noticed that one of the robbers he had kicked down was stirring, and quickly webbed his hands to the ground. “Sorry. So what do you want me to--”

 

“Anansi!” She interrupted and spun around once to show off her uniform. “I took the name from a spider god that was a part of our ancient cultural stories. What do you think?”

 

Peter caught movement outside the bank. “I think that last guy is about to try and shoot you again.”

 

“Ugh,” Shuri groaned and turned to face the villain, looking more like she was ready to scold him than anything. He did, indeed, fire on her, but the blasts just absorbed into her suit with little flashes of purple in the seams. “I’m a bad bitch you can’t  _ kill _ me!” 

 

Peter snorted just as the energy she absorbed was blasted back at the guy, shoving him over the counter and probably causing thousands of dollars worth of collateral damage. “Whoa, holy heck what the hecking heck Sh-Anansi?!” He knew he was waving his arms around, but whatever.

 

“Feast your eyes, mortal!” She gave a startlingly convincing evil laugh. “I have the power!” 

 

“ _ Shuri! _ ”

 

“Oh, fuck,” The princess spun to face the voice that had called her. An angry looking Wakandan woman with hair cropped close to her head and some kind of royal blue uniform on had her arms crossed in the broken doorway. Shuri’s whole posture turned tense, but she was still trying to pass off a scolding. “Nakia! When did you get back? Did you do something to your hair? It looks great.”

 

“Oh, don’t even,” Peter didn’t know whether to be afraid or flattered that they continued to speak in English in front of him. “I got back, as you say, an hour and a half ago, and what do I find waiting for me?” 

 

Shuri hesitantly opened her arms. 

 

“Not a hug, Shuri, a  _ wrecked _ currency station.”

 

Shuri slowly lowered her arms.

 

Nakia gestured to the wreckage. “I mean, what the hell?! How did you manage to do this in under three minutes?”

 

“He helped!” Peter suddenly found himself pinned under Shuri’s accusatory finger and Nakia’s equally terrifying glare. 

 

“Anansi, how could you betray me like this?” He motioned to Nakia. “Now she’s going to arrest me or worse, send me back to Mr. Stark for him to give me his ‘disappointed dad look’.”

 

But Nakia, to both of their surprise, just smiled warmly at Peter and stepped towards him. “What? No, Mr. Stark said to take care of you, Spiderman. You were just trying to help, and you did great.” She placed a hand on his shoulder and shook it fondly. She tilted her head towards Shuri. “This one could learn a few things from you, just between us.”

 

“I’m right here!” Shuri exclaimed, clearly indignant but not truly offended.

 

“I mean,” Nakia continued to ignore Shuri’s protests. “We had hope for her, but it seems like she’s too fond of blowing things up, just like she does in her lab all day.” She gave a dramatic sigh and spun Peter to walk towards the exit.

 

Peter caught on quickly. “Is that right?” He could hear Shuri gasp dramatically behind them. “You know, she  _ did _ just absorb and redirect energy from her suit. That’s why there’s a hole in the counter.”

 

“I believe it.” Peter decided Nakia was his favorite. “You know, when she was just a toddler, she would--”

 

“I challenge you to a  _ VINE-OFF, PART TWO!! _ ”

 

Peter froze, making Nakia stop with him. The woman looked confused but seemed to recognize the tension in the room and stepped back. In her eyes, the teenagers were just staring at each other with powerful stances. Shuri’s arms were crossed and her feet were shoulder-width apart. Peter shifted slowly to move one shoulder back and spread his feet apart. They both looked ridiculous, in Nakia’s opinion, but the matter seemed serious and frankly, she didn’t care at this point.

 

Peter, meanwhile looked appalled beneath his mask. “What did you say?”

 

Shuri spoke slowly, voice low, “You heard me.”

 

Peter’s posture immediately shifted and his voice was not his natural tone when he quoted, “ _ And it turns out I didn’t actually hear what the fuck you just said. _ ” Shuri jerked back at the imaginary blow dramatically. Peter just spun on his heel. “That’s one for me, Princess, try and keep up!” He made to brush imaginary dust from his hands, but he forgot that he still had the fight function activated in his suit, and ended up sticking his palms together. “Oh, shit--”

 

Shuri, recognizing the moment of weakness, took chase. Peter, recognizing in turn that he was now prey, bolted for safety. Nakia, recognizing that she would have to round up two super genius teenagers with high tech suits and superpowers, sighed. 

 

* * *

 

It took Nakia two hours and a lot of patience to round up all four of the teens. Ned and MJ had decided that “waiting was for chumps”, as they put it, and had taken to wandering the city with their driver. They had recruited him to be their tour guide, but apparently, their tour had devolved into playing a city-wide game of hide and seek. They’d had to get the Dora Milaje involved, meaning Okoye knew, meaning the Queen knew. 

 

Luckily, Peter had a conscience and wasn’t under MJ’s quietly rebellious influence. So when Okoye had snapped her demand over the city’s broadcasting system for them to be at the palace in five minutes or they were all grounded, Peter dragged the other three to justice. The rest of the Wakandan population found this hilarious, and the hashtag #ProudOfOurPrincess was trending. 

 

Currently, the group was sat at a circular dinner table at the dining hall, listening to Shuri argue back and forth with her mother. 

 

“I have told you this thousands of times, Shuri!” Queen Ramonda scolded, “You are the princess, and it is not your job to risk your life for something as simple as a convenience store robbery.”

 

“Uhh, yeah it is! I can’t expect other people to fight for me if they think I wouldn’t do the same for them!” Shuri gestured to Peter, who recognized his name and tensed. “He was stopping the robbery before I got there, mother, and this isn’t even his country. He doesn’t owe us a thing but he still stepped in front of an automatic pulse gun to save our people.”

 

“That is beside the point.” She put a hand on her hip, dropping her official posture but managing to look even more authoritative. “The  _ point _ is that we have people to handle this. You are not them. I will not lose you to something so trivial.”

 

Shuri saw the real concern in her eyes and huffed, ready to relinquish this round of their discussions regarding Shuri’s superhero escapades. So, she backed down and crossed her arms instead. “Drake wouldn’t treat me like this.” She muttered. 

 

“Maybe he wouldn’t, but Mr. Graham isn’t here and I am still your mother. Now, tend to your guests. They’re probably hungry after walking all over the city running from our police force.”

 

Shuri realized at that moment that she and her mother had been talking in isiXhosa, and as a result, made Ned and Peter uncomfortable. MJ had wandered off again, but Okoye didn’t look worried, so Shuri wasn’t either. 

 

“Sorry,” She apologized bashfully and took a seat across from Peter, next to Ned. “We’re okay, don’t worry.”

 

“I get it,” Ned shrugged, “I mean, we did explore a foreign city unsupervised for two hours. I’d be worried too.”

 

“You’re not gonna call Mr. Stark, are you?” Peter sounded worried.

 

“No,” Queen Ramona sat down beside Peter, who stiffened. “Your father will not be informed of this incident, but if it is repeated we will send you and your friends home.” 

 

“Oh, uh, your majesty, Queen, Mrs. Queen of Wakanda,” Said Queen watched on silently with an amused expression. “Mr. Stark isn’t actually my dad.” 

 

She just raised an eyebrow. “He supports you, mentors you, picks you up from school when you feel sick, plans on paying for your college, and cares for you deeply. That’s a dad, Peter. And please,” She pat the back of his head, “Call me Ramona. Don’t be so stoic over titles here.” 

 

Peter tried his best to relax while Shuri looked happy to be away from her mother’s attention. 

 

“But besides that,” The Queen continued, “We’ll put this whole incident behind us and have some dinner before you can get settled into your rooms. Miss. Michelle will join us later, I’m sure.” 

 

At the wave of her hand, a waiter bowed his head politely and left the room. “So, how is school going, Mr. Ned?” 

 

Ned looked startled at being addressed, but recovered quickly. “Oh, Mr. Ned is my father, please just Ned is fine.” 

 

Shuri snorted in a very unladylike manner and tried to contain her snickering behind her hand. The Queen grinned at the joke, making the boys relax. “Mr. Ned, oh my god…” Shuri giggled, then addressed her mother, “You see why I keep them around, mom?” 

 

“Yes, they are very polite. Something you could learn from, young lady.” She smiled at Shuri’s grin promising no such thing, and turned back to Ned. “So how is school, Ned?” 

 

“Oh, good!” He answered, lighting up. “I just finished this coding project for my computer sciences class. I’m really excited to see my grade because I know it’s awesome. I made it be able to hopefully help Peter track criminal activity with security cameras and cell phones. But I dumbed it down a bit to turn it in so they don’t get suspicious of Spiderman or anything.” 

 

The Queen looked impressed. “That’s amazing, Ned. I’m very proud of you.” 

 

Ned adopted a dopey grin and looked more prideful than he’d ever been. Shuri rolled her eyes. 

 

The wait staff came back in with trays of food, much more formal than the usual meal in the royal chambers or Shuri’s lab. “What you may not know,” Queen Ramona explained as some hot bowls of noodles were set in front of them, “Is that there is a Wakandan version of a traditional Chinese-Japanese dish. Before we went into hiding, Wakandans had a bit to do with a lot of history. We’re eating that type of dish today, so I hope you enjoy.”

 

“Whoa, that’s so cool.” Ned smiled into his bowl of food. “It’s like your whole country is made of super good ninjas or something.” 

 

At this, the Queen laughed happily. “I’m glad you see it that way.” 

 

“Oh my goud,” Shuri started as she rolled noodles onto her chopsticks. “Peter, come see this they got a ramen noodle exhibit, you know that’s your favorite.” 

 

“Be careful chirrin that’s a lot of sodium.” He finished mindlessly. 

 

The Queen stopped eating and watched him struggle to keep the food between the chopsticks. “Is it...too salty, Peter? Would you like something else?”

 

Peter nearly choked. “N-no, sorry, it’s awesome. We’re just doing a thing.”

 

The Queen raised an eyebrow. “Will this “thing” lead to you and Shuri getting stuck on the window of my plane hangar like last time?” 

 

Peter pressed his lips together, honestly not knowing if it would or not. His hesitance answered her question. 

 

She sighed and pointed her chopsticks at Shuri and snapped in isiXhosa. “Don’t break anything or I make you come to the National Peace Summit with me.” 

 

Shuri groaned dramatically and started to slide down her seat with her eyes rolled back.

 

“Sit up straight or you’re  _ definitely _ coming with me.”

 

Shuri acted the perfectly mannered princess for the rest of the dinner, with heavy sarcasm laced into every single one of her words and actions. Her mother knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth and took the bad with the good. 

* * *

 

 

It only took twenty minutes for Peter to emotionally recover from accidentally insulting the Queen of the most advanced country in the world. And by then it was time for them to retire and unpack for their overnight stay. 

 

Ned and Peter were given a guest room to share while MJ had her own room down the hall. While Peter and Ned had been navigating their way to the room, they had passed MJ, who was dressed in some kind of athletic wear that looked Wakandan. 

 

“MJ,” Peter greeted, “Where’ve you been?” 

 

MJ shifted to face the two with her hands on her hips. “Where have  _ I _ been? Where have  _ you _ been, young man?” She acted every part the stern mother, which would be out of character if the boys didn’t know what she was trying to do. 

 

“You’re not gonna tell us, are you?” Ned stated more than asked in a deadpan tone. 

 

“Not a chance.” She answered and continued to walk back the way she came. 

 

“Just don’t break anything,” Peter called after her, “Or Mr. Stark will kill me!” 

 

“Stop worrying.” Her answer did nothing to reassure him as she disappeared from view around a corner. 

 

“She’s going to take over the world,” Ned stated factually. 

 

Peter sighed and continued on to his room. “I know, she’s told me. I think this is our room.” 

 

He pushed open a set of double doors and stopped short. Ned crowded in behind him to see as well. Their room had two full beds with two desks and dressers. The whole place was decorated according to the same style the rest of the palace seemed to be in, which meant everything looked extremely high-tech and almost unrecognizable. 

 

“Whoa…” Ned wedged past him to stand in the center of the room and take it all in. “It looks like this whole room needs monthly software updates!” 

 

Peter grinned and joined him in glancing around. “It’s really awesome, yeah. And we haven’t broken anything yet so, bonus!” 

 

Ned snorted and pointed to him meaningfully, “Keyword being  _ yet _ .”

 

Peter grimaced as he remembered the repercussions of making a slightly bad impression on the royal family. He could still feel the chill of Mr. Stark’s glare while he lectured him for six hours straight after their last visit. “Still though,” He implored Ned, “Don’t break anything. Seriously.” 

 

Ned just rolled his eyes and flopped back onto his bed. “I won’t. Like MJ said, stop worrying. We’re only here for tomorrow and then we have to go back to school.” 

 

Peter exhaled to force himself to relax. Ned was right; he should enjoy his time here while he could since it was so limited. “Yeah, I know. Hey, do you want to look into modifications on the spidersuit? Shuri said she’d help out tomorrow but we have some time before we sleep.”

 

“Uhh, hell yeah!” Ned was immediately up and grabbing for his bag to get his computer out. “I’ve been wanting to look at-”

 

“Peter!” Shuri swung into the doorway of their room, looking way too awake to have just eaten dinner. “Come on a walk with me!” 

 

Peter and Ned blinked at each other, then at Shuri, who renewed her effort in enticing him and threw in some jazz hands. Ned chuckled and waved to her. “Go on, man, I’ll try and catch up on Mr. Stark’s upgrades.”

 

Peter grinned at Ned in thanks and exit the bedroom to join Shuri in the hall. The Princess was waiting for him, fortnite dancing so fast her hands were blurs in the dark. As soon as he was in sight she froze and started walking with her hands behind her back as if nothing happened. Peter grinned and caught up with her quickly. 

 

“So hey,” He started, “Aren’t you grounded? How’d you convince your mom to fly us down here?”

 

“Simple, friend,” She grinned with a glint in her eye, “I took a page from MJ’s book and intimidated my brother into funding and approving the trip.”

 

Peter blanked out for a moment and suddenly became extremely worried. “What have you done.”

 

Shuri cracked up laughing and reassured him through gasps. “Oh, relax Pete! I just talked in nothing but vines until he lost a small portion of his sanity. Then I was able to list my demands fairly easily.”

 

“You and MJ can never be alone together.” He shook his head. “We wouldn’t last the day if you did.” 

 

Shuri thought for a moment and agreed very seriously. “You’re probably right. We’d take the skin off of a bunch of furbies or something. Then we’d have an army that didn’t need food, water, or rest.”

 

“Wait, no-”

 

“I might be able to make them airborne… Hey, where is MJ?” She glanced around as if she would be there. Knowing MJ, she very well could have been. But more pressing matters were at hand.

 

“Wait, you don’t know?”

 

Shuri stopped and slowly shook her head. 

 

Peter ran a hand through his hair, making it stick up everywhere. “This is bad. MJ is a chaotic neutral alignment, there’s no telling what she could do!”

 

“Well,” Shuri drawled, “I saw her with Nakia earlier, and she’s a lawful good alignment. I think we’re okay. MJ can do what she wants, and it’s not like we can stop her anyway.” She was surprisingly nonchalant about the case of his missing classmate. But, Peter had to admit that her calm take on things put him more at ease. 

 

He exhaled slowly. “You’re probably right. I mean, she’s smart, and she knows not to touch anything she’s not supposed to.”

 

“Right! Stop worrying,” Peter laughed lightly at the reminder. He didn't want anything to go wrong on this trip for a lot of reasons, the main one being that Mr. Stark would bury him in his new suit without remorse, but knew that it wouldn’t be good until he learned to relax. 

 

“I will. Maybe. Hey,” He finally noticed where they were walking and didn’t recognize the halls. “Where the heck are we walking?”

 

“I hunger. We are journeying to the pantries.” Shuri kept walking ahead of him, but Peter stopped. 

 

A slow smile spread over his face as he mentioned, almost off-handedly. “So one may say, you’re gonna munch?” 

 

“ _ I’m gonna munch _ ,” Shuri immediately dropped into a crouch and spread her hands out beside her. “ _ I’m gonna crunch! _ ” 

 

Peter was too busy laughing and holding his stomach to alert Shuri to what his spider-sense was telling him. Someone was approaching down the hall behind them, without malicious intent, but still; a witness.

 

“...Your Highness?” A hesitant voice called from behind them. 

 

Shuri froze in her strange position and turned her head around, eyes wide and mouth stuck in the middle of making the trumpet sounds in the referenced vine. Peter’s knees gave out and he was reduced to curling into the fetal position on the floor, laughter dissolving into almost silent wheezes. 

 

Okoye glanced at the suffocating boy briefly but turned her attention back to the Princess, who still hadn’t moved. “Princess Shuri, what, may I ask, are you doing?” 

 

Shuri cleared her throat and straightened at last. Try as she might, there was no way for her to make up for what the captain of the Dora Milaje had seen. Her reputation was almost certainly tarnished. Ruined. Because she wanted to munch, crunch, and play mouth trumpet.

 

“Okoye! We were just--” Peter interrupted with a sharp cough, but was back to trying to gasp for breath right after. “ _ We were just _ going to get a snack from the pantries.” 

 

Okoye still looked confused. “Does this have anything to do with the...display, I just witnessed?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I need to know how, Shuri.” 

 

“No, don’t think you do.” Shuri grabbed one of Peter’s ankles and started to drag him along the hall, continuing where they were going. “Just some crazy gen Z kids, quoting vines, laughing at depression, you know,  _ stuff _ .” She gave a particularly hard yank to Peter’s leg when he started laughing anew. 

 

“Well, okay…” The Captain still looked skeptical but didn’t follow the teens as they traveled down the hall. “If you need help, call us.” She did a one-armed salute hesitantly as if still trying to process the sight of her princess crab-walking down the main foyer making strange trumpet sounds. But alternatively, she’d never heard her laugh as loudly as she had when she was hanging out with Stark’s son. So she let it slide. 

 

Meanwhile, Peter was catching his breath as Shuri continued to drag him down the hall. When they finally rounded a corner, Shuri dropped his foot and stared down at him with her arms crossed.

 

“Alright, Parker, that’s it. I’m winning this, gloves are off, the full force of my chaotic good alignment is coming down on your ass, so be ready.” 

 

Peter just smirked from where he lay and crossed his own arms. “May the best chaotic good win.” 

 

“No Peter,” Shuri bent down to return the evil smirk, “May the best  _ Gen-Z _ kid win.” 

 

* * *

 

Peter woke up the next day to the sound of MJ rummaging through his duffle bag. She was cradling her chin like it was hurt while she was elbow-deep in his stuff. 

 

“MJ?” He pushed the sheets off his chest and sat up to try and focus on her better. “What’re you doing? Where’d you go?” 

 

“Looking for my phone, I think it got mixed up in your bag.” Her voice was quiet, but Peter could still hear the mispronunciations she made. “Found it.” She pulled the phone from the bottom of his bag and waved it triumphantly. “And to answer your question, I was getting a tattoo. Goodnight.” 

 

And with that, she left. Peter blinked slowly and let himself flop back on the bed. He wasn’t going to worry about it. He was here to relax. “Goo’night…” 

 

He woke up hours later to pounding on the door. A quick glance around revealed early morning sunlight streaming in through the windows. Ned jerked out of his own bed and fell to the floor in a heap of blankets. 

 

“ _ Peter! I know you’re in there, spider boy! _ ” Shuri was yelling from outside.

 

Peter grumbled but rolled over and slipped his web shooter on to throw out a web to pull open the door. “ _ What? _ ” 

 

Shuri stumbled in with a grin on her face, shoving her hands through the sleeves of her spider suit. “Robbery in progress!” She screeched, prompting Ned to throw a pillow over his head to block out the noise. “C’mon, I wanna beat Nakia!”

 

“Shuri…” Peter whined, rolling over in bed. “I don’t wanna get in trouble with your secret police. Let them handle it.” 

 

There was silence, then something sticky covered his mouth and he was being dragged out of bed. His muffled yells went unheard as Shuri yanked him almost effortlessly across the room. Peter kept trying to grab onto furniture he passed, but it didn’t even hinder the princess. How strong  _ was _ she?!

 

At last, Peter focussed on the gag and yanked the webbing off, feeling the beginnings of whatever facial hair he had been hoping to grow to vanish with a sting. “I dunno what ya’ll--” He let out an unholy screech and even he was impressed at the pitch. Shuri yanked him away from his hold on one of the dressers. “You be-tter stop!  _ Stop! _ Bish  _ NAAAHHH!! _ ” Shuri dragged him from the bedroom and his vine references faded into silence. 

 

“You guys have fun…” Ned drawled from where he remained on the floor. “I’ll catch up…” He started snoring shortly after. 

 

* * *

 

Shuri had grabbed his suit before she kidnapped him, so Peter had no excuse for not helping her out besides his unwavering sense of morals. And that wasn’t a viable reason. So there he was, swinging through the city with a growing sense of dread. 

 

“ _ So remember, _ ” Shuri was talking to him through his mask. “ _ We can’t cause any damage, and we can’t let people get hurt. That’s the only rules. _ ”

 

“What if I  _ really _ want to go back to bed, is that against the rules?” 

 

“ _ My rules, yes. There it is. _ ” 

 

Shuri landed sideways on a building and crouched to look down on the bottom floor of a taller skyscraper. It didn’t look like anything was really happening, but when Peter looked closer, he could see that that ground floor was a convenience store that was being quietly robbed. It looked like there was only one person in danger; the cashier. 

 

“Nothing’s really happening,” Peter mentioned, “How did you know the place was getting robbed?” 

 

“Easy,” Shuri held up her wrist, where her vibranium bracelet caught the light. “These measure heart rate, predict emotion and tell location. I get an alert when known criminals get excited. If there’s three of them in the same place with one scared innocent cashier, chances are I need to look into it personally.”

 

Peter stared at the bracelet intensely. “You know, I like jewelry.” 

 

Shuri scoffed and stood sideways on the building. “Not a chance, white boy.” She stepped off the edge of the building and fell towards the street. 

 

Peter sighed and followed. It was worth a shot. 

 

Shuri had barely waited for him and walked into the shop casually. Immediately, all attention was on her, while Peter stood awkwardly behind her in the doorway. 

 

“ _What’s up fuckers?!_ ” Shuri yelled loudly just before the first few shots went off. 

 

Peter went along with it while he leaped onto the ceiling and crawled above the assailants. “Why’re you on my phone??” 

 

Shuri shielded herself from the attacks as she advanced on foot. “Fuck you, that’s why!” On the last word, she targeted each of the three men and fired on their hands. Shots of webbing bound their hands together and Peter attached a string of his own web to their hands before leaping down to the center of them. 

 

They were pulled back with their arms yanked over their heads and bound together that way. Unfortunately, this meant the furthest perpetrator’s foot flew up against his own will and knocked the handle off of one of the machines. Blue Slurpee spilled onto the clean floor in a gush, and Shuri yelped before webbing the hole closed from the door. 

 

“Nice shot!” Peter bent down to look at the patch job. To the store worker, he said, “This will wear off in about two hours. So do you have a bucket or something?” 

 

The cashier, a younger boy just peeking over the edge of the counter where he had ducked nodded and rushed off to presumably grab one. 

 

Shuri started to clap ecstatically. “We did it! We didn’t break anything  _ and _ stopped the bad guys!” She let out a whoop and did a little dance. “All in under...twenty-two seconds!”

 

The chime of the bell at the door drew their attention and Okoye stepped through the doorway. She glanced over the frozen teens and the captured criminals critically before shaking her head and stepping aside. 

 

Peter let out a less than dignified noise when MJ followed with Nakia behind her. 

 

“What did you do?” Nakia demanded of Shuri right off the bat. 

 

“Why do you assume it was me?!”

 

“Because I’ve met you.”

 

“Well, I didn’t break the Slurpee machine, this time.” 

 

“He did it.” Peter pointed at the shortest man, who was pulling against his restraints fruitlessly. “Hey, MJ why are you hanging out with the royal secret police?”

 

“Oh silly boy,” She smirked and pulled down her lower lip, revealing a shimmering Wakandan tattoo. “I  _ am _ the royal secret police.” 

 

“Huh,  _ what _ ?!” Peter just about screeched. 

 

“Oh, yes, just this early morning, Michelle completed all of the necessary testing and requirements to become an official War Dog agent of Wakanda,” Okoye explained with a wave of her hand as if it was nothing new. “She passed all of our tests in...rather unique ways but passed them all the same. And her ancestors were of the Wakandan Merchant Tribe, so her bloodline is acceptable.” 

 

“So you’re physically dangerous now?” Peter asked in a small voice. 

 

“As well as psychologically, yes.” She answered in a monotone voice. “I came with because they couldn’t get rid of me.” 

 

“You will have to go home soon, Michelle.” 

 

She stared up at Okoye and tilted her head. “Will I?” 

 

Okoye shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m not doing this again, Michelle.” 

 

“But back to the matter at hand,” Nakia stepped towards Shuri menacingly, “Do you know how hard it is to protect you?! It’s like you’re  _ trying _ to get killed!”

 

Shuri groaned like a put-out child. “Na-ki- _ ahhh _ , I’m an  _ adult _ .” 

 

“Barely!” 

 

Shuri tried to turn away with a dramatic roll of her eyes that one could see even with her mask on but stepped directly in the puddle of the Slurpee and her foot slipped from under her. She yelped and fell flat on her butt, directly in the blue puddle. 

 

Nakia immediately started cracking up, teasing that it ‘served her right’ and taking photos. 

 

Peter just snorted and started to sing “Mmm whatcha say….oohh that you only meant well--”

 

“I WIN!!”

 

It took Peter a moment to realize what she meant, but when he did he gasped and began denying it. 

 

“No! I win! You quoted a meme so I win Vine Off Part Two!” She scrambled to her feet and poked Peter in the chest. “I win! Admit it!”

 

“I’m sure it’s a vine! I’m almost positive!” 

 

“ _ Prove it _ .”

 

Peter stuttered for a moment before he appeared to give up and sunk to the ground in defeat. Face down on a convenience store floor. He could feel the sugary drink seeping into his suit, but couldn’t care. Shuri had beaten him. 

 

“Oh my god! Oh my god, I  _ won _ ! ” Shuri was still celebrating above him. “MJ, take a picture,  _ take a picture! _ ” 

 

He didn’t get up while he heard the photo being taken. It was over. He had lost. He was too meme-y for his own good. He flew too close to the sun. He was too powerful. 

 

“Got it,” MJ announced. “I’m putting this on your Instagram, Spiderman.” 

 

Peter’s muffled reply came from the floor. “How do you have my account?” 

 

“I took your phone yesterday.” 

 

“Tag my spiderman account.” 

 

“Done.” 

 

Shuri, dripping in Slurpee, grinned at the two very confused adults in the room. “This is the best day of my life, holy shit.”

 

Peter vowed revenge. And to send Shuri his dry-cleaning bill. 

**Author's Note:**

> I was thinking of doing a drabble where we see MJ get tested in Wakanda. That will likely be pt 3.


End file.
